12 September, 2007

I am selfish

I really think I am since I have come back to CT from Fargo on Sunday. It was the most difficult decision I have made in my life so far. I wanted to stay there with my mom and my brother, but I also didn't want to miss so many classes in school. If I did miss some classes this semester, I may waste another whole year to graduate... But is school really that important? More important than my family? I don't think so. However, my dad's situation is kind of stable now. He is still in ICU, still in a very critical condition, still needs to get surgery every other day, but beside sitting in the hospital with my mom and my brother all day, I can't do anything else to help my dad. Beside school, I do have to get ready to move. yes, Andrew and I are moving next week, and we haven't even started packing yet. Like Andrew said, we can also fly back if we need to. Also my mom told me to go back to CT even I know she didn't mean it. My heart was broken when the plane took off at Fargo Airport... It was a terrible feeling...

While in the hospital all the time last week, I finished knitting the Monkey.

And I got to visit the LYS twice in Fargo which it was closing. And what that means? Big sale of course! Andrew and I had about 1 hour free one day, so I asked him to visit that store. Without a GPS, we got lost at first, then we found it after a while. I went in, most of the good stuff were gone. And since we had to rush back to the hospital(lack of time to shop) and lack of luggage room, I only bought a magazine. The Vogue Knitting winter 2005/06 issue for only $2. And the last day in Fargo, after packing up, which I know I had a little room for yarn, I asked my mom if I could go to the yarn store again before going to see my dad. She said ok, so we all went together. This time, I spent about 1/2 hour there, and picked out 4 skeins of socks yarn, $3.5 per skein. I only took pictures of two skeins of Jawoll because I want to give the other two (another brand) to my Secret Pal. I also bought some Fiber Trends patterns which they are usually $5+ each. And I got 6 of them for $1.5 each!!


I think knitting really helps reducing the stress, helps keeping the bad thoughts out of my mind. Yarn Shopping really makes me forget the unhappiness.

After I came back, I have tried to catch up things in school. It seems I am having a very tough semester although it's only the beginning of the third week of school... good luck to me.

At last, I want to thank you for all of my friends' support. The messages you have left means a lot to me. Thank you very much everyone!!

9 comments:

costumechick said...

Oh. You need such a big hug right now. You are not selfish, either. Surely your Mom wanted you to stay, but school is important, and so is moving. Mom and Dad both understand that, and they know you love them.

Octopus Knits said...

I'm so glad your dad is more stable now. I agree with costumechick... don't beat yourself up about this. I'm glad to hear your brother is with your parents, and, if you need to, you can fly back on short notice, but you're right that going to school and moving are important, too.

Octopus Knits said...

Oh, and I meant to say, your Monkeys are beautiful! I really do think knitting helps us deal with stress. I learned to knit when my father in law was in the hospital. I know it has helped me.

KnelleyBelley said...

You're such a goodie. It must be so hard to struggle between wanting to be with your family, and needing to take care of your daily life and responsibilities. You can go back if you need to, but it's so good to hear that your dad is improving.

Good luck packing and moving.

And . . oh my, what beautiful monkeys you have!

beckylinn said...

We've been thinking of you so much!! Big hugs to you! You've got a lot on your plate right now so just take it all a little at a time.

CinderOla said...

I don't think that is selfish at all! I'm sure your dad would want you to go to school. Besides, like you said there's not much you can do other than keeping him in your thoughts. Good luck with school and everything.

Erin said...

Phoebe, you are not selfish. If you were really selfish, it wouldn't even occur to you to worry about it! I know how hard it is to be far from your family when they need you, it makes you feel so helpless not to be around. But your brother is there, and your father is on the mend (I hope), and your parents wouldn't want you to harm your academic career either by being absent, or by worrying too much. Hang in there, and everything will work itself out soon!
p.s. I like the monkeys!

Jen said...

You are not being selfish at all. I'm sure your parent understand the struggle you're feeling right now. I agree with Octopus Knits. You can always fly back if need be.

Anonymous said...

Oh~dear, I'm sorry to hear about that your father is ill. I just back from Osaka last Sunday so i didn't read your blog.

Be strong, i'll be on your side!!

Mo